Liminal Empathy

A delicate and beautiful space in-between...

Welcome to this edition of Liminal Walker Musings!

If you are a new subscriber, a special WELCOME! Today I am taking a deeper look into empathy. Concurrently I am participating in

Kaitlin Curtice

’s invitation of “A Poem a Day in the Month of May.” My intuitive guidance told me to hold off on any writing for this post till her Saturday’s prompt and to use it as my topic. Having followed that crumb, here we go… enjoy and love to you all!

Thanks for reading and please comment, I would love to hear from you. And if you feel inspired, please consider becoming a subscriber or even a paid subscriber. Either way you are deeply valued and appreciated.

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Listening…

Photo by Ian Panel

I have learned to listen and follow my inner nudges. Not just when they feel warm and cozy but also when they activate a nervousness, an uncertainty, even a sense of inadequacy. Over time I have come to understand that these challenging nudges are the most important ones to follow. Thus, why I am here writing these opening words for this post, not knowing where it will go. Trusting the initial impulse.

Having empathy starts with listening, like to my inner voice or to a gentle soft rain. An attentiveness that requires humbleness. The willingness to set aside the mind’s agenda, the to-do lists, preconceived notions. An acquiescence with the moment and what is arising within it. Grounded empathy requires spaciousness, width and depth within the vertical moment.

Feeling…

Authentic intimacy and rapport starts with the capacity to be with one’s own feelings. An “emotional intelligence”. Here again, listening is the starting place, inviting me to be with my own feelings. For how can I sit with someone else’s sorrow if I haven’t met my own. How can I stand with another’s anger if I don’t understand the deeper movements of rage and indignation within myself. And this is not only about difficult feelings. Being with joy, enthusiasm, gratitude and peace as well. Feelings are like keys on a piano, many can be played at the same time. Either making music or a cacophony of noise. An invitation to make friends with each note.

I wrote this poem for Day 3 of

Kaitlin Curtice

’s prompt on the word “Feel.”

I was trained from a very young age
not to trust my feelings.
Told they weren’t right, too much,
that I was overly sensitive, defective.
I learned to tuck away, stuff down, relegate
them to the far corners of my being.
Logic as the linear mind became the
dominate force that ruled my life.
Overbearing, even tyrannical.
And I suffered.
With addiction.
With dysfunctional living.
With being someone I was not.
Seeking something outside
to fill this gabbing hole within.

Today my ongoing journey is about
reuniting with my cavernous belly,
opening to my innocent heart, fully loving myself.
Feeling all the misplaced emotions.
the veiled, hidden and vanquished.
Reacquainting myself with my organic
and delicate sensitive nature.
Blossoming into my inborn instinctual
animal that I am, intuitive and connected.
Realizing that I don’t need to escape
nor transcend any feeling, it’s an unfolding process.
They are all guests in my house and
have a place at my table.
I don’t need to identify with them,
only to have a conversation.
Through it all, I have come to recognize
my sensitivities have been
my superpower all along.

Vulnerability…

Photo by Ali Yaha

Looking for synonyms for vulnerability, I was shocked by how many words came up that reflect on a person who is susceptible to exploitation and manipulation. One who is weak in character. I don’t see vulnerability this way. To me being vulnerable is a sacred act, a beautiful presence, a sweet openness. The ability to take down the barriers that keep life at bay. Removing concepts that perpetuate having to stay on top of it all. Messages we get from our society that keeps patriarchy and hierarchy alive. For to be vulnerable by societal standards is to be a “pussy” or a “sissy.” In other words, to be a female. You don’t wanna be a “momma’s boy!”

As I shared in my poem, being sensitive is a superpower! Requiring courage to feel the rawness that ensues from being exposed. The strength to be with what’s unknown and the resolve to meet the ways that I shame myself. It can be uncomfortable being open, revealing my authentic nature. Fears of rejection can feel very palpable; all I want to do is shut down. Over time though, I have discovered a supple resiliency that comes from perseverance, a deeper connection and intimacy with life that’s like a mycelial network.

Empathy…

Photo by Gregory Colbert

Natural empathy is a liminal experience. More than the ability to understand how a person feels, it’s the proverbial idiom of “putting yourself in someone else’s shoes.” Again, this means temporarily taking down one’s own viewpoints, beliefs and opinions so we can see life from another person’s perspective, a resonance with how they feel.

Empathy is needed in our world today with all its dehumanization, a polarity of sides where there is no middle ground only an ongoing schism and discord. How can we learn to lean across the table to understand another view if we are completely invested in being right.

I sense this is about the fear of being vulnerable. How important it is to remember this is a process and empathy doesn’t mean not having boundaries. Without them it’s easy to get into emotional overwhelm, nervous system burnout. A confusion of where one person begins and the other ends. However, with impenetrable barriers this only leads to skirting around the edges, an avoidance of intimacy. What’s needed here are permeable peripheries that create breathing space, allowing for connection without giving oneself away.

Time for a metaphor. Taking in two tablespoons of pure salt or juice right from a lemon, can be hard to swallow straight up. The same as not wanting to consume or feel someone else’s sharp caustic pain, bypassing it completely as if doesn’t exist. Now add one of these substances to a tall glass of water. A bit more palpable, easier to sit with the pungent or acidic anguish. But after some more sips it becomes too much. A sense of overwhelm, being inundated with stimulation. Instead, how about adding both the salt and the juice to spacious pure lake. Drinking this is easy, even refreshing. A wider capacity to be with someone’s ache. This is empathic understanding.

I see you hiding away in the corners
under dark fogs of unbearable sorrow.
I hear your inner wailing encased
within deep guttural longing.
I smell the burnt edges of your irritations
a bleeding heart in anguish.
I taste the bitterness of your dejection
the pungency of weariness.
I feel your pain as my own
I am here with you in yours.

Heart to Heart
Neuron to Neuron.
Fingertip to fingertip.

Vulnerability meeting the raw edges.
Intimacy of real honest connection.
Devoted humbleness of staying put.

No bypass or circumvention.
No creating a silver lining.
No fake sympathy.

Only spacious holding.
Empathy.
For I see you…

Questions for you…

• Do you feel connected with your feelings? Which one is the easiest to feel, the hardest?

• What does vulnerability mean to you? Can you let yourself be vulnerable?

• How does empathy show up in your life?

Would love to know your thoughts and feelings. Let’s have a conversation…

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