When I moved up to the foothills of the Blue Ridge in SC almost 21 years ago, I had the dream of being in community. I was seeing concrete domes with a Central dome for group use and sustainable gardens for vegetables, etc.. I also thought I would meet a man up here but was told by a friend's husband that would probably not happen because 'everyone is married and they stay married.' Well, I found out those who were available were not married for good reason. So none of the original dream happened for me. I live in a beautiful, quiet, safe homeowner community and I have some connection to neighbors but basically I am in the land of do it all myself (HOA gives me gardeners and we get garbage pickup). I can relate to the photo of the person carrying all the boxes on his back and to the fact that our nervous system was not meant for this.
Ahhh Shellie, I feel you deeply. Yes and that pic with the person carrying all those boxes. That was quite the find, I could feel the weight of the world in that pic. And this is what we are doing to ourselves. Releasing those boxes isn't easy when we have had years of training to carry them. The body knows how to just keep going, and also the body pays a price. And why I'm a huge promoter of community. Not just any community, but ones that are built on intention, letting each person's gifts and challenges have a place at the table. Here is The Weaving link again, a community I'm co-creating. This doesn't come from a marketing space, but as an example of what is possible. https://theweaving.community/ Much love to you Shellie, I appreciate your comment. 💜
I feel this so deeply, Julie. My wife and I have moved so frequently over the last 14 years that it’s been very difficult to feel rooted. I long for this sense of community so deeply. I’ve tried a couple of online communities, but haven’t felt a true sense of belonging (and I believe that has a lot to do with my own negative self talk/fear of being seen, judged, and found lacking). We have now remained in one spot for 2.5 year, so I’m hopeful that the tentative stepping out that I’ve started doing will lead to something lasting. Thank you for this truly insightful piece.
Your welcome Marni, and thanks for reading. Yes moving around a lot doesn't facilitate the "roots" that are needed to deepen into a community. It takes time. And why online communities are so helpful right now, if its the right fit. I have found a few groups that work for me online. A dream group, a wise women hag group, and the community I'm in the midst of creating now. AND we also really need the physical, in person, times. I truly feel its about us coming together (online or in person) that will ripple out and change our world.
Marni, may you truly find the community you long for, you more than deserve it, its your human nature. Love to you! 💜
This was really beautiful! We are so disconnected from each other and it's costing us everything. For me I really struggled to find community outside of church and school. Once I got comfortable wading through the awkward moments it was much easier to find way to connect with people. It's been a journey, but I finally feel like I'm in a place where I have true community around me.
I love hearing that Clara. Having community is so important at this time. And as you shared here, that means taking a risk. Reaching out, and/or stepping in. Amazing what can happen when we just decide. 💜
Liminal and threshold spaces have become a place of comfort for me. Not always the case, for like many I have had opposition drilled into me as the norm. Yet today I find individuation and relationship meeting in that threshold space. Here a beautiful dance occurs. Both can exist. One leading the other following, then switching for the other to lead and the other to follow. Then at times they can even merge together as something new entirely. Not just the sum of the parts, but as a new form, a new expression. The both/and is an important shift.
Appreciate the part you played in the making of this post! Thanks! 💜
Julie, I resonate so deeply with this…it feels apropos for the Age of Aquarius. One of the things I feel the spirituality movement has done, is emphasize the value of working on one’s self to a degree that disregards one’s ethical and social considerations. True individuation and the actualization of individuality, return us to the truth of collective value and contribution. We are not separate, even when we must experience periods of solitude in service to attaining our sovereignty. The clearer we become to the truth of who we are, the clearer it becomes that our purpose serves not only ourselves, but the collective as well.
Thanks Lisa. Thanks for reading and commenting. I love what you share here.
Yes, individualism is the extreme, an opposition, a polarity. Yet true individuation/individuality exists in a threshold space with community. They dance together. Both interdependent on each other. At times one leads the dance, than the other leads. And at times they are just together dancing. We need both, our own alone time and being with others. 💜
Thanks so much Maria. And I feel what you are sharing here. In America we fight for individualism, and in other cultures it can show up as a seemingly opposite where family ties can gag us into expectations, duties, etc.
It does always seem to come back to the middle path. To the Both/And. The threshold, the liminal. Here the space widens, deepens and broadens. It feels roomy and spacious. Yes, let’s dwell here. 🌀🙏💜
I love this so much. I live much of this; creating a literal neighborhood community that is intertwined and interhelping. Your work encourages me to explore more. Thank you! ❤️
Yes, my neighbor is exactly 20 years older than me (age 84) and we have old-time porch sitting’, coffee sippin’ days—every day that I’m not off meeting a client or doing some work. I work on my computer at home, so the days I’m around I take my “coffee breaks” with her. We help each other with resources and provide company. She’s very sharp and astute politically and culturally, so it’s really a lot of fun and learning for me.
You've captured the threshold I find myself in beautifully Julie, thank you for putting words to the feeling, so profound:
"Is your center rooted in devotion, meaning, and the nurturing of your gifts? Or in extraction, productivity, and consumption? Most of us are likely moving somewhere between the two. These are threshold times, inviting us to return to ourselves and one another with greater compassion and care."
Jackie I love how you narrowed in on this thread. It's a powerful threshold to be aware of! The more we become aware of it, the more choice plays a part. The more we listen to our inner longings and gifts the more we are called to our center. Which only enhances are relationship with ourselves and others. THANKS! 💜
Beautifully said. I lovingly call myself a happy hermit and am feeling the deep need for quality community. I have some of that already so I'm curious as to what I'm being drawn too - in a larger container, perhaps different format/structure, perhaps new circle. Not sure yet.
Thanks Suzanne. And I understand the "not sure yet." Our traditional models for community at times make me want to hermit too. Yet I feel there are communities emerging that are based more on how we used to come together. Around fires and meals, like I said in this post. Including honoring, listening, sharing, supporting. Both holding and being held. I feel community is the call of our times. I'm glad to be taking part in that by creating one. And we come to community when we are ready. 💜
Excellent! Becoming We, Us, Ours from focus on I, Me, Mine definitely takes all the awareness & self reflection you enumerate here. Being centered & sovereign includes compassion for self & everyone else as we navigate these deep waters of understanding, forgiveness & humility.
You nailed it with CHIP! Capitalist, hierarchal, imperialist, patriarchy! I'm stealing this, with attribution, of course! Also, "Community doesn't prevent individuation, it reveals it." Indeed, we can know ourselves very well as we watch how we interact. How else to see what our assumptions really are & how they formulate what we see & believe?
I wish you & yours the best of all success with your intentional community. We had many of them years ago. All begun with the highest aspirations in what was then a great wave of human consciousness expansion. Today we've moved even further "up the road" of understanding. These last few decades have shaken loose nearly all assumptions about our "culture." Go forth & work through the messiness, create even more patience & understanding & forgiveness. We can do this! Let's GO!
Berta thanks so much for your blessing on this intentional community. We've gone into it knowing its going to be messy. And then when it happens, it's like what's going on? Then there comes the AHA... and the comment, "right, this messiness is naturally part of this." And the beautiful thing I've seen is the growth that happens and the deeper directionality and creativity that arises from been willing to be with what is here. It's been powerful to witness. 💜🙏💜
Yes, I bet it has indeed been powerful to witness the struggle & intention to get through the difficulties that arise when people come together! After all our "training" & habitual reactions, this kind of creativity is truly "worth" pursuing. Again, all the best to you ALL!❤️
When I moved up to the foothills of the Blue Ridge in SC almost 21 years ago, I had the dream of being in community. I was seeing concrete domes with a Central dome for group use and sustainable gardens for vegetables, etc.. I also thought I would meet a man up here but was told by a friend's husband that would probably not happen because 'everyone is married and they stay married.' Well, I found out those who were available were not married for good reason. So none of the original dream happened for me. I live in a beautiful, quiet, safe homeowner community and I have some connection to neighbors but basically I am in the land of do it all myself (HOA gives me gardeners and we get garbage pickup). I can relate to the photo of the person carrying all the boxes on his back and to the fact that our nervous system was not meant for this.
Ahhh Shellie, I feel you deeply. Yes and that pic with the person carrying all those boxes. That was quite the find, I could feel the weight of the world in that pic. And this is what we are doing to ourselves. Releasing those boxes isn't easy when we have had years of training to carry them. The body knows how to just keep going, and also the body pays a price. And why I'm a huge promoter of community. Not just any community, but ones that are built on intention, letting each person's gifts and challenges have a place at the table. Here is The Weaving link again, a community I'm co-creating. This doesn't come from a marketing space, but as an example of what is possible. https://theweaving.community/ Much love to you Shellie, I appreciate your comment. 💜
I feel this so deeply, Julie. My wife and I have moved so frequently over the last 14 years that it’s been very difficult to feel rooted. I long for this sense of community so deeply. I’ve tried a couple of online communities, but haven’t felt a true sense of belonging (and I believe that has a lot to do with my own negative self talk/fear of being seen, judged, and found lacking). We have now remained in one spot for 2.5 year, so I’m hopeful that the tentative stepping out that I’ve started doing will lead to something lasting. Thank you for this truly insightful piece.
Your welcome Marni, and thanks for reading. Yes moving around a lot doesn't facilitate the "roots" that are needed to deepen into a community. It takes time. And why online communities are so helpful right now, if its the right fit. I have found a few groups that work for me online. A dream group, a wise women hag group, and the community I'm in the midst of creating now. AND we also really need the physical, in person, times. I truly feel its about us coming together (online or in person) that will ripple out and change our world.
Marni, may you truly find the community you long for, you more than deserve it, its your human nature. Love to you! 💜
This was really beautiful! We are so disconnected from each other and it's costing us everything. For me I really struggled to find community outside of church and school. Once I got comfortable wading through the awkward moments it was much easier to find way to connect with people. It's been a journey, but I finally feel like I'm in a place where I have true community around me.
I love hearing that Clara. Having community is so important at this time. And as you shared here, that means taking a risk. Reaching out, and/or stepping in. Amazing what can happen when we just decide. 💜
Julie, this is beautifully articulated.
You carried the distinction between hyper-individualism and individuation with a lot of clarity and care.
Especially this:
“distinct enough to enter relationship without losing ourselves inside it.”
That gets very close to what I think healthy coherence actually is.
Not isolation.
Not fusion.
Differentiated participation.
A form of relationship where sovereignty and interconnectedness stop opposing each other.
And I deeply agree that healthy community should not erase individuality,
but create the conditions where authentic individuation can emerge, stabilize, and contribute back into the whole.
Really thoughtful piece....thanks for the mention!
Liminal and threshold spaces have become a place of comfort for me. Not always the case, for like many I have had opposition drilled into me as the norm. Yet today I find individuation and relationship meeting in that threshold space. Here a beautiful dance occurs. Both can exist. One leading the other following, then switching for the other to lead and the other to follow. Then at times they can even merge together as something new entirely. Not just the sum of the parts, but as a new form, a new expression. The both/and is an important shift.
Appreciate the part you played in the making of this post! Thanks! 💜
Julie, this is beautifully said.
Especially this:
“individuation and relationship meeting in that threshold space.”
Yes!
That feels exactly right to me.
Not individuality against relationship,
and not relationship dissolving individuality,
but a living movement between them.
A kind of reciprocal dance where distinctness allows deeper connection,
and connection allows deeper distinctness.
And I really love your point about the “both/and.”
Because so much fragmentation comes from systems trying to force reality into either/or structures.
But living systems seem to mature through increasing capacity to hold polarity without collapse.
Thank you for the way you expanded this conversation. 💜
Julie, I resonate so deeply with this…it feels apropos for the Age of Aquarius. One of the things I feel the spirituality movement has done, is emphasize the value of working on one’s self to a degree that disregards one’s ethical and social considerations. True individuation and the actualization of individuality, return us to the truth of collective value and contribution. We are not separate, even when we must experience periods of solitude in service to attaining our sovereignty. The clearer we become to the truth of who we are, the clearer it becomes that our purpose serves not only ourselves, but the collective as well.
Thanks Lisa. Thanks for reading and commenting. I love what you share here.
Yes, individualism is the extreme, an opposition, a polarity. Yet true individuation/individuality exists in a threshold space with community. They dance together. Both interdependent on each other. At times one leads the dance, than the other leads. And at times they are just together dancing. We need both, our own alone time and being with others. 💜
https://mariakefalogiannipcp.substack.com/p/they-are-coming-poetry?r=qler6&utm_medium=ios
Reminded me of the poem
I can now HEAR in my minds eye and heart - our Thundering footprints
May our ripples travel far
Love that Maria, truly beautiful. Thundering footprints rippling… 💜
I look forward to joining . I’m arriving from a reverse place perhaps
As Cretan I grew up as community in community
Hyper individualism isn’t much of a thing as I grew up.
Right family bonds…. So tight that I suffocated …..it’s far nuanced but yes the middle path
The threshold point
The emptiness that births
Let’s dwell there
All of us have our unique stories and their fire to YIELD …. Beautiful beautiful article
Thanks so much Maria. And I feel what you are sharing here. In America we fight for individualism, and in other cultures it can show up as a seemingly opposite where family ties can gag us into expectations, duties, etc.
It does always seem to come back to the middle path. To the Both/And. The threshold, the liminal. Here the space widens, deepens and broadens. It feels roomy and spacious. Yes, let’s dwell here. 🌀🙏💜
I love this so much. I live much of this; creating a literal neighborhood community that is intertwined and interhelping. Your work encourages me to explore more. Thank you! ❤️
I love this so much Lu. And in your neighborhood, IRL - In Real LIFE! Beautiful. 💜
Yes, my neighbor is exactly 20 years older than me (age 84) and we have old-time porch sitting’, coffee sippin’ days—every day that I’m not off meeting a client or doing some work. I work on my computer at home, so the days I’m around I take my “coffee breaks” with her. We help each other with resources and provide company. She’s very sharp and astute politically and culturally, so it’s really a lot of fun and learning for me.
That is really beautiful for both of you, Lu. I love hearing about these types of connections. It warms my heart and soul. 💜
You've captured the threshold I find myself in beautifully Julie, thank you for putting words to the feeling, so profound:
"Is your center rooted in devotion, meaning, and the nurturing of your gifts? Or in extraction, productivity, and consumption? Most of us are likely moving somewhere between the two. These are threshold times, inviting us to return to ourselves and one another with greater compassion and care."
Jackie I love how you narrowed in on this thread. It's a powerful threshold to be aware of! The more we become aware of it, the more choice plays a part. The more we listen to our inner longings and gifts the more we are called to our center. Which only enhances are relationship with ourselves and others. THANKS! 💜
Beautifully said. I lovingly call myself a happy hermit and am feeling the deep need for quality community. I have some of that already so I'm curious as to what I'm being drawn too - in a larger container, perhaps different format/structure, perhaps new circle. Not sure yet.
Thanks Suzanne. And I understand the "not sure yet." Our traditional models for community at times make me want to hermit too. Yet I feel there are communities emerging that are based more on how we used to come together. Around fires and meals, like I said in this post. Including honoring, listening, sharing, supporting. Both holding and being held. I feel community is the call of our times. I'm glad to be taking part in that by creating one. And we come to community when we are ready. 💜
Excellent! Becoming We, Us, Ours from focus on I, Me, Mine definitely takes all the awareness & self reflection you enumerate here. Being centered & sovereign includes compassion for self & everyone else as we navigate these deep waters of understanding, forgiveness & humility.
You nailed it with CHIP! Capitalist, hierarchal, imperialist, patriarchy! I'm stealing this, with attribution, of course! Also, "Community doesn't prevent individuation, it reveals it." Indeed, we can know ourselves very well as we watch how we interact. How else to see what our assumptions really are & how they formulate what we see & believe?
I wish you & yours the best of all success with your intentional community. We had many of them years ago. All begun with the highest aspirations in what was then a great wave of human consciousness expansion. Today we've moved even further "up the road" of understanding. These last few decades have shaken loose nearly all assumptions about our "culture." Go forth & work through the messiness, create even more patience & understanding & forgiveness. We can do this! Let's GO!
Berta thanks so much for your blessing on this intentional community. We've gone into it knowing its going to be messy. And then when it happens, it's like what's going on? Then there comes the AHA... and the comment, "right, this messiness is naturally part of this." And the beautiful thing I've seen is the growth that happens and the deeper directionality and creativity that arises from been willing to be with what is here. It's been powerful to witness. 💜🙏💜
Yes, I bet it has indeed been powerful to witness the struggle & intention to get through the difficulties that arise when people come together! After all our "training" & habitual reactions, this kind of creativity is truly "worth" pursuing. Again, all the best to you ALL!❤️
💜🙏💜
Thank you for this meaningful read✨
Thanks Jo-Ann - Appreciate that you found it meaningful. 💜
You’re welcome, Julie🌷